Wedding Cake vs. Burn Ban

Okay.  It has been quite a while since my last post and frankly I haven't thought about writing anything for some time.  Gail has been baking and decorating her daughter's wedding cake...and stressing...so I have been staying out of her way, lending support and spending time outside.  I decided I would have an adult beverage, smoke a decent cigar and have a fire in the fire pit.  Everything is cool.  I am sipping Jack Daniels, smoking a MonteCristo cigar and enjoying my fire when someone alerts me via Facebook that there is a burn ban in Jefferson County...oops, my bad.  It had rained a few days earlier (I know because I scooped the rain water that had collected on the tarp we put over Gail's pool) and I figured no worries, after all somebody in the neighborhood was burning something earlier this week.  You could smell it, honest.

Inside I go.  My solitude not to mention my Jack was gone.  The stress level is apparent, hanging in the air like the smoke rings from my now extinguished cigar.  I am unable to help.  Yes it looks good...no I am not just saying that...don't worry it will be beautiful.  Trust me.  I am beginning to wish I was back outside risking incarceration...just kidding.  Really it will be good.

Sense of Change

Have you ever had the feeling something is going to change
 and you don't know if the change will be for the better or worse?
 I have that feeling right now.
 Can't put my finger on it but
it is buzzing in the background
like a bee looking for a place to land
what will happen will the bee pollinate
or sting I don't know  I wish I did
pleasure or pain can come
from the same event
It all depends on your point of view

Summer Number Three

I cried when she walked off the Jetway and I saw her for the first time. 
Ten months apart and fifty-seven days together. 
The time flew by and now she is gone again. 
She is back where she lives again.
I, we miss her already.
I, we love her and want her to be happy.


  

Last Day

OK, here it is again.  I am such a slacker when it comes to writing this blog.  What does it matter?  No one reads this, right? 
I was so pissed a couple of days ago.  I always call my daughter after I leave work and talk to her about what is going on, school and friends, etc. when the subject turned to her mom, my former spouse.  It seems my child support (I also pay for our daughter's medical and dental insurance out of my pocket when my ex is required to cover her by court order) isn't enough money.  There was never enough money.  Does anyone have a few million they can loan me lol?   Aaaagh!
I digress.  I don't mind paying for my daughter's welfare, I only wish she is taken care of well since I am living five states away.  When I hear of how her mother is spending the child support it does upset me.  I mean child support is for the child right?  I know what your thinking.  I should get my daughter to live with me in Texas...I am glad you thought of that! 

Lent, Spring and What is Next

I am a catholic christian.
I am in the midst of this Lenten season.
I am listening to Your words. 
Renewal, my renewal.
Springing forth with growth, 
just as a tender shoot pierces the earth,
 reaching toward heaven.
I too will break free of the earth
 when You call me,
I will leave my grave just as Lazarus did.
I will be home and I will sing.
I will sing!

  

Logic vs. Emotion

I don't react to every emotion I experience.  I just don't.  I decided some years ago that reacting to an emotion without thinking about why or when the reaction is appropriate was a waste of your time.  How many times have you witnessed someone loose their cool because they gave into a base emotion?  It is funny to watch unless their anger is aimed at you.  I mean, they claim they cannot control the emotion once it appears in their mind, like they are a puppet, or the operating system runs the programming automatically without their consent.  You know it doesn't work that way because if it did we would have become extinct a long long time ago. 
I say all this for no particular reason, just wanted to...

WOW Has It Been This Long?

I realized that it has been a while since my last post and I wanted to share a few thoughts.

Being married to the wrong person and not knowing it...sucks.

Divorce is never easy even when you can't wait to get away from that wrong person.

Finding the right person at the right time is a miracle...God is good.

I am ready to move on with my life with my soul mate.

I love you Gail.  I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

Lost and Found

How many of you know someone so well that you instantly know when they are hurting or insecure before they ever show it? 
How many of you know that person knows you that well too? 
You can't hide or dismiss your emotions when they know something is wrong.  You have to face your fears and hope they understand.  You travel through your emotional valley while they hold you.  You see others searching the way you did and you wonder how you have gotten so lucky to have the one in your life who loves you unconditionally.  All the others dismissed or cast you aside as if you were unworthy of their love right?

Do not give up.
Hold fast to your beliefs.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; in all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths.  Be not wise in your own eyes, fear the LORD and turn away from evil."
Proverbs 3 vs. 5-7

Swine Flu or Not?

About two weeks ago, I bit the inside of my cheek so friggin hard it bled right then and I had to chew on the other side of my mouth to keep from biting my cheek in the same spot over and over. I babied it for a day or two just to be safe. I am telling you this because earlier this week that bite area of my cheek became swollen and painful for no apparent reason. I put pain medicine on it, I took pain medicine, heck I even went to see the dentist to stop the pain (he told me to garggle with warm salty water). Nothing was working. It wasn't a wasted trip. ( I had my teeth cleaned and checked so I am good for six months.) ...and now for the rest of the story as the Late Mr. Harvey would say.

I left the dentist office and rejoiced in the fact that it didn't cost me any money out of pocket for advice that I was told since I was a child. I began to shiver uncontrollably like I still lived in Michigan and I was outside with shorts and a t-shirt on in January. OK time to check for fever right? Yep, you got it 101.5 F a nice little fever to go along with my aching mouth. I spend the next day in bed waiting for the fever to break. I think I had the flu because I had a low grade fever off and on since Monday. I didn't have the body aches...no wait a minute...that's right my cheek hurts and no damn pain pill is gonna cure my ill cause it just isn't. (sorry the Late Mr. Palmer I borrowed your line) So the fever breaks and off to work I go yesterday. I take every flu medicine or cough drop I can to deaden the pain in my cheek until I had an epipheny admist all my itching last night, maybe it is an allergic reaction to:

• (a) something I ate or drank
• (b) one of the medicines I took
• (c) all of the above

I am leaning towards answer #c only because there wasn't an (d) answer on this multiple choice. I take two allergy pills and sleep on my hands so I don't itch my skin to a nice ruby red color. Oh, I know you have figured out that I didn't get the flu shot this year. I never have gotten a flu shot. Until this week it has been at least fifteen years since I had the flu. It was my turn in the barrel that is all, right?

My Fortune Cookie on Face Book

I like to read my fortune cookie on Face Book everyday.  Most of the time the fortune of the day is interesting, amusing some of the time and thought provoking always, even when I don't like it.  I still think about it while I eat breakfast or when I drive to work.  How can something generated by a computer seem to fit your frame of mind at that exact time?

My fortune cookie message for today was right on the mark.  It said:" if you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain."  a quote from Dolly Parton.  This little gem hits home for me.  I have recently filed for an annulment for my failed marriage of fifteen years and the process has generated a lot of old hurtful memories.  Memories of pain and anger that I had put behind me or so I thought.  Now every time I think of the status of the annulment and how much I want it; I experience the negative emotions wash over me like rain.  A few sprinkles to begin with and then a steady down pour until I feel wet, cold to the bone, unlovable and alone. 

I have been told that this is to be expected during this time.  It is suppose to get worse for me before it gets better.  The annulment will provide closure for me on the most painful period of my life.  I experienced some good things during my marriage.  The birth of my daughter for one thing.  The rest of the time was pain and denial.   My ex-wife and I fought over everything.  We couldn't go out to eat without having an argument.  I don't miss the strife at all.  My wish is for her to find someone and be happy. 

I have found the one person in the world who loves me for me.

 I am ready to move forward again.

I am ready for my rainbow.

Soul Mates

Through all my searching,
I hoped for you.
Every day of my life,
I longed for you.

Through all my heartache,
I cried for you.
Every night of my life,
I prayed to find you.

Now that you are here,
I thank God for you.
Everyday.
My soul mate,
I love you forever.

You Save Me

All of the pain
I have ever experienced
or ever felt in my life
has been washed away
by your unconditional love
You pay it forward
every time we touch
Do you understand
how you save me
Do my words
adequately express
what you mean to me
You save me
You save me
You save me

Divorce

Divorce is never easy.  You think you are past it and something happens and you start thinking about all the bad stuff again.  I refuse to be held hostage by the past.  I am moving forward with my life.  I just wish Melanie wasn't stuck in the middle of it.  Set her free...

It Is A New Day

2011.

Here we go into the new year.  It is a new day...and I am feeling good.  Good things are coming my way.