I like to read my fortune cookie on Face Book everyday. Most of the time the fortune of the day is interesting, amusing some of the time and thought provoking always, even when I don't like it. I still think about it while I eat breakfast or when I drive to work. How can something generated by a computer seem to fit your frame of mind at that exact time?
My fortune cookie message for today was right on the mark. It said:" if you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain." a quote from Dolly Parton. This little gem hits home for me. I have recently filed for an annulment for my failed marriage of fifteen years and the process has generated a lot of old hurtful memories. Memories of pain and anger that I had put behind me or so I thought. Now every time I think of the status of the annulment and how much I want it; I experience the negative emotions wash over me like rain. A few sprinkles to begin with and then a steady down pour until I feel wet, cold to the bone, unlovable and alone.
I have been told that this is to be expected during this time. It is suppose to get worse for me before it gets better. The annulment will provide closure for me on the most painful period of my life. I experienced some good things during my marriage. The birth of my daughter for one thing. The rest of the time was pain and denial. My ex-wife and I fought over everything. We couldn't go out to eat without having an argument. I don't miss the strife at all. My wish is for her to find someone and be happy.
I have found the one person in the world who loves me for me.
I am ready to move forward again.
I am ready for my rainbow.
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