Release

There are so many things I want to share
hidden deep down inside me
The thoughts bubble up like water
 passing through the cracks and crevasses
 in imaginary walls
 erected to keep the world out

My fear pushes it all back
behind the barrier meant to protect
The fortress is now a prison
where my deepest desires wait to be released
revealed to the one who I pray
will open the door
forever

Eight Days

I am on vacation for the next eight days.  I haven't had a vacation since July 2007.  All work and no play makes Richard tired.  I am ready to recharge my spirit.

Empty

Emptiness fills me
 until I am bursting at the seams
 with more emptiness
 than anyone should have to bear.
I vow to myself
 to empty myself
of all the emptiness
 and start over
filling myself
with the fullness
of life that
makes it impossible
for the emptiness
to ever touch me
again.

RDM

Friends Old and New

I have recognized that I am blessed with many friends.  Every day I give thanks for all of you. I don't always express how you all touch my life and influence me for the better.  I wish I could help you all as much as you help me.  That is the way my life is...I receive far more than I give.  Thank you all my friends old and new.

Thank you. 

Silence

Silence is golden.  I am listening....breathe.

Long Lost Love

I was listening to Journey yesterday while driving home from work and began reminiscing about the "one that got away". I haven't thought about this lost (first true) love in close to twenty five years since the last time I saw her so I was surprised to have some of the emotions return to my thinking. I am not pining for her or anything but it is funny that even after all the time I still feel a little something for her. A tiny piece of my broken heart maybe. Our lives were meant to go in different directions I know that. I just wish I could have told her what I feel...and it would make her smile. Oh, the Journey song I was listening to? Any guesses? Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' Na Na Na Na Naaaaa.

The Path

Emotions like sharp edged, misshaped rocks,
 leave me wounded and bleeding where no one can see.
Still I fight within myself,
to remain true to the path that I am on.
Returning to the love that swells from my soul,
The fullness of it weighs me down.
 My mind becomes weary,
my muscles quiver from exhaustion.
In my mind I try to turn away.
 Not really wanting the gift that I must offer,
to whomever will receive it freely.
I surrender to the pain and feel it,
 in my tears I hear a whisper.
 Love as I love you,
and give it away.
I step onto the path,
again and again.

Peter Frampton at the Isle of Capri.

A friend and I went to the Isle of Capri Casino in Lake Charles to see Peter Frampton and here are some of my thoughts on the experience:

1. The buffet line was too long and I didn't want Snow Crab Legs to begin with...
2. The Lucky Win Chinese/Asian fusion food was worth every penny.
3. There aren't enough wait persons in the slots area (maybe by design) so you will be thirsty...and loosing money.
4. It was warm in the casino area (at least it was for me) and I wished "they" would pump fresh cool air in like in Las Vegas.  I mean it is hot outside shouldn't it be cooler inside?
5. I can play slots for about an hour and a half before I loose the money I originally put in the slot machine.
6. I counted 25 rows of seating times 40 chairs.  You do the math.  Pretty intimate concert setting if you ask me.
7. I simultaneously scratched seeing Peter Frampton in concert off and put him back on my Bucket List.
8. Live music is so vibrant, so organic.  You feel it...and yes Peter we did feel like You Do!
9. I called Melanie during the show and tried to let her listen in but evidently my damn finger was over the mouthpiece on my phone and she couldn't hear a thing it was muffled.  Operator error sorry.
10. It only took one hour and seven minutes to drive back from Westlake to Crockett Street to see more live music at The Hub. Good seeing Smokin' Joe Soliz, you rocked it Joe...and yes, you still owe me a bottle of Pinch Scotch!   

Four Seasons or Life as We Know It.

I was sitting in the back yard in the shade of an Oak tree when a thought occurred to me.  Relationships like life seem to follow the seasons of the year.  Here is what came from that thought...


A single solitary shoot of joy pierces,
 the cold, damp ground.
As rain pours,
 upon the new life.
Sunlight illuminates and warms,
 and growth occurs.

The warm winds caress,
 the young while the days become longer.
Time seems to stop as,
summer marches on.
 In it's happiness,
 life is vibrant and loving.

All the while the sun moves,
into the next season.
and the leaves as well as our hearts,
 begin to fall.
Soon the emptiness,
is all we know.

The cold wind blows,
upon the barren shell.
Where life once was full and joyous,
The memories are all that keep us.
As we see the movement of time,
and peer into our imminent demise.

RDM

Life Doesn't Wait

Here is a poem I wrote this weekend.  It is for a friend who will remain anonymous (yes it is for you).  Who knows I could write a poem for all of you someday.

I see you are waiting,
waiting for things to change.
You don't want your heart to be broken,
 that you can not let it go.

It has you all tied up,
you are looking for a sign.
I see you are waiting,
not knowing which way to go.

Life doesn't wait,
you have to decide.
To risk being hurt,
is difficult to choose.

You will never know,
the love you so richly deserve.
until you take that step,
and begin moving towards your desires.

The circumstances will always be difficult,
that is the way life is.
The only guarantee you get,
is the choice is yours to make.

RDM

Melanie, Dad and First Blood

My lovely daughter, Melanie is due to arrive in Houston in about two weeks for some "Daddy time" and I can't wait to see her walk out of the Jetway.  This will be her second trip to Texas since her mother and I split.  The fact that we now live apart from each other and are separated geographically by 1300 miles and five states make this long awaited reunion all the more special.  To say that Melanie has my heart is the "mother" of all understatements.  I fell in love with her the moment I held her for the first time in the St. Mary's Hospital (yes she is Texan by birth) in Port Arthur, Texas a little over 12 years ago. 

I will always remember that night for two reasons.  One is obvious and the second is surreal.  Melanie's due date was February 2nd and she was making us wait.  The action started the afternoon of the twelfth and proceeded into the late evening before the Doctor on call finally decided he would have to help Melanie arrive into this world.  The doctors and nurses were doing their jobs while I sat basically out of their way.  I remember thinking (1) how cold it was in the delivery room and (2) how forcefully the doctors where going about extricating Melanie from the womb.  I guess they saw the terrorized look on my face because I could not see what they were doing behind the cover.  Here's where it gets surreal.  They began cracking jokes and acting like they were being careless in performing their duties.  The assisting surgeon even acted like he had Melanie in his arms and then pretended to throw her to the nurse like they were playing catch.  I know they were trying to lightened the mood.  I get that (now).  I remember thinking I'm going to go Rambo on them.  Then I saw the nurse place Melanie gently into Marie's arms and I forgave them their trespasses immediately.

I walked out to tell the waiting family of her safe arrival on wobbly legs and began to cry with joy.  I tell you all this because I think about that night as the greatest day I have ever experienced and that although I forgave the doctors and nurses their imaginary transgressions against my family I will never forget.  After all, "I didn't draw first blood" right?